There is a connection there: adoption. Jesus was leaving (for His death, resurrection and ascension). He was going to prepare a place for His adopted siblings.

We’re preparing a place for our adopted children. There is plenty for us to do. Most of it includes painting. I’m sick of painting. Painting our loft. Painting our bathrooms. Since our home is relatively new, most of the walls are still white. Soon we’ll be painting the kids’ bedrooms.

But there is more than pain. We bought and build storage at Ikea. We needed room for toys so we can store them out of the rooms, and the closet under the stairs. We needed that closet for other things. Soon we will install Classy Closets to maximize space for clothes. Sort of like Home Makeover: Cavallaro Edition.

In the meantime, we just got notified that our I-171H, the provisional approval of the I-600A, updated. Micah will most likely be 5 when we adopt her. We had to reflect that change in our home study and the I-171H. Mission accomplished, now we can apply for the I-600A. We’re getting the show on the road!

In Tim Keller’s sermon on the text- An Encounter with God- he talks about how God intrudes upon our lives. He has the nerve to tell us what to do. He holds us accountable for our actions. Here he is confronting Jacob.

Steve, isn’t this an adoption blog?

Yes.

We aren’t used to such a God. We struggle with this God. We are comfortable with the God’s of our own understanding. This is a God we have to hold in reverence.

Likewise, adopted orphans usually have very little experience with men. Their care givers are predominantly women. This is good in some respects. Most predators are men. Most men they come into contract with are probably security or support personnel. They have little direct involvement from men.

Our son arrived from China and suddenly there was a man telling him what to do. An intrusive, involved man. It was completely new for him. He struggled with it. We had to establish who was in charge, that I was more than furniture or someone who hung around the fringes of his life. It took awhile, but we worked it out. He learned what a father is.

We are in the process of adopting 2 children who have probably had a similar lack of interaction with men. On the paperwork their fathers were unknown. They spent most of their lives with their mother and grandmother before they were brought to the orphanage. They probably have no idea what a father is, what a father does. They have no idea they ever needed one.

I hadn’t really put all of this together until recently. Certainly not when we had adopted Eli. Why had no one thought to tell me? This is another of the many adjustments the children go through. Children who have little to no prior relationships with men are thrust into a family led by a man. I hope I have learned from my experiences with Eli. Perhaps I might be more patient, more gentle. It is an adjustment for me, just as much as for them.

Just something to think about if you are in the process of adopting. Just something to think about if you’re praying for us.

Can't show you how it really happened

One of the joys of international adoption is the big trip. But all you want to bring home from the big trip is the kids you adopt. Okay, maybe a few souvenirs. But you don’t want to bring back any nasty diseases. Or parasites.

One of our social workers for Eli’s adoption had adopted from SE Asia. They were very careful about water- both drinking and bathing. The husband ended up being very fatigued for the next year. No doctor had an answer. He went to the acupuncturist one day and there was a parasite specialist. The specialists asked a bunch of questions. Turns out he took a swim in the pool at the hotel in Japan. He thought he was safe. Nope. After treatment he was his old self.

Most countries in Asia and Africa require shots, and lots of them. The decision of which of us is going has been resolved. Amie is getting the shots.  Shots for typhoid, yellow fever and polio.

Our acupuncturist told her to ask for the shots in her bottom, not her arm. The arm, she says, is too close to the lymph nodes and can impact your immune system. The health department shot worker was not too down on that. She did not want to deviate from the norm. Trust me, Amie’s not in the habit of showing her bottom to people. Eventually the health department employee relented. Three shots in the bottom. And only one really nasty bruise. It made up for the other areas that were not bruised.

Just a little paperwork

It has been a busy week or so around here. In anticipation of the impending adoption we are re-arranging the house to make room for them. When you double up in rooms, you have to put clothes and stuff somewhere. So …

We painted the loft and bought some storage shelves from Ikea (it was a painful trip to Ikea, I always get turned around and lost). We also checked out a new dining room table since we need a bigger one. We found a great one, but need to wait to buy it. I then spent the next few days building the storage units (hard on the hands).

But that is not all. We finished our I-600 paperwork. It is currently in the mail to our adoption agency. That not so small stack is courtesy of the Paperwork Reduction Act. I hate to think what it would be like if this Act hadn’t of been passed. The government’s ability to create paperwork knows little to no bounds.

We were not done with paperwork. We discovered another foundation and applied for another grant. Here’s hoping (and praying)!

And more paperwork. We completed an application for the Shiners Hospital. We are hoping they accept Eli for his next round(s) of surgery.

And if that wasn’t enough … I’ve received a contract to publish one of my books in the mail today. There is lots to think about. This is a big step, but not a simple decision. Could I actually be an author? We’ll see.

This is a pretty good movie. The subject matter is pretty serious, but they have enough comic relief to not overwhelm you. When the movie gets the most serious, the comic relief is nowhere to be found so you aren’t too distracted. At times it moves a little slow. But what do you want for the first time out?

The movie begins something like Sweet Home Alabama, 2 childhood friends running toward the water hand in hand. The boy and girl are close friends. It fast forwards to their college years. Someone has come between them creating a discomfort. This is her big night as the lead actress in a play. After she collapses we learn that life has not been easy for her. She’s had a number of physical ailments, and some emotional ones too.

Hannah discovers that she was adopted. Her world is rocked. And it continues to get rocked as she willfully sets off to discover her birth mother. The love story is secondary to her trying to come to grips with all she never knew. But she is not the only one- others have to come to grips with what they knew but never shared. She discovers she is the survivor of an abortion attempt (that’s the last reveal of importance). So the movie deals with very sensitive subject matter. It does so sensitively, and without some of the pollyanna everything turns out perfectly problem that plagues so many Christian movies. But she is struggling with anger at nearly everyone. She and other characters have been stuck because of the secret. It is time to move on.

³² Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4

The movie avoids a judgmental perspective. Instead it speaks most clearly of forgiveness. One of the pivotal scenes takes place in a cathedral in a discussion with a priest. This is odd because Hannah is Baptist (though you see little of the public aspects of faith in the characters). I wondered why she didn’t seek out her pastor. But perhaps that just seemed too preachy when they wrote it (the last thing it needed was one of those church service sermons that you often find). It remains accessible to non-religious people because it is not overtly religious. Oh, the gospel is there (or enough of it) to make the point.

This movie should connect with adoptive parents, adopted kids, women who’ve had abortions and others. It opens the door to some important matters. But not in a heavy-handed way.

As adoptive parents, we really don’t have to worry about our kids not realizing they are adopted. Our son is Asian and the kids we are in the process of adopting are African. They know we are not their birth parents. But like Hannah, they will probably struggle with rejection. We have already had conversations with our son to help him understand how he ended up half a world away.

God’s providence is intriguing. The other day CavGirl mentioned to me that she was sad I didn’t have a sister. I shared with her that my mother had miscarried a little girl. But if she had been born, I most likely would not have been born since I was conceived a few months after the miscarriage. There are all sorts of issues similar to those touched on in this movie. The tone is gracious, not condemning in recognizing that we all err. The movie seeks not to condemn but to offer forgiveness.

If you decide to go when it opens on March 23rd, bring tissues.

They are both quite cute, and it is good to see her hair growing back.

The current estimate for the processing time of the I-600 is 75 days. But we know of someone who is currently in the Congo who received their court judgment only 2 months ago. They are using our agency as well and we’ve seen some pictures they have taken at the orphanage. We are trying to pick out Micah and Asher. It hard to pick them out since all the girls have short hair and we aren’t sure how tall she is. There are a couple of similar looking boys at the same age.

The orphanage looks very clean and the kids are eating heaping bowls of food. The children have been using some basic English like “Thank you”, “My name is….”.

It is starting to sink in that these kids are essentially ours. We want to be able to bring them home right now. But the house isn’t ready. There is much for us to do to prepare: building beds, creating storage space. Etc.

Please pray for their adjustment and ours.

We got our copy of the Judgment from the court in the DRC. We had to go over it and make sure there were not mistakes in our personal information. If it was a translation problem, no problem. If it was incorrect on the actual judgment, it has to go back to the DRC to be corrected. That may take a month or so. Costly mistakes if that is that case.

The only errors I found in our information was the name of the city in which we were married. Hopefully that was just a mistake by the translator. They even spelled Cavallaro right!

In reading the document I saw that their mother attended the hearing and testified that she was unable to care for them. More evidence that things are on the up and up.

We estimate that at the most this should take 20 weeks. So we could expect everything to go down in April or May. Sooner would be better since we’d rather not pay the orphanage to care for our children.  Moving forward, moving forward!

I know of someone who adopted older children from an orphanage in the former USSR. They learned after the fact that many of the older children there were having sex with one another. They basically functioned as a gang with a pecking order. When those 2 children came to the states, they discovered the truth. I believe that this orphanage was run by the state, and obviously not well supervised.

We recently read of accusations about an independent orphanage in the DRC. We do not know if these accusations are true. The accusations are that it is a money mill and a haven for sexual abusers.  The orphanage, so it is claimed, receives lots of money for the support of the children but they show signs of malnutrition.  It is like the family who takes in foster kids for the money, while neglecting them. Not all orphanages are safe environments.

When you are evaluating your adoption agency, ask about their work in the specific country you want to adopt a child from. Does that country use state-run orphanages? Some, like China, do and from all I hear they are safe. Are the orphanages independent or agency owned? What safe guards are in place? These are wise questions to ask.

Stuff happens, even here in America. There are no guarantees. I know people from good families that experienced sexual abuse at the hands of extended family or strangers. But know that a country with a history of problems has increased risk. That can be taken two ways. Some may be scared off, not wanting the baggage that may come with the child. Others will see this as yet another reason to adopt the child, so they can be safe and given opportunities to heal. Know yourself, and what you are comfortable dealing with. Be wise. Be curious.

But… just before we got to the airport in Albany, we got an e-mail that we’ve been waiting for. The judge in the DRC finally handled our paperwork. Our case in court is now complete (yes!) though it took longer than expected for a variety of reasons. We also have our Certificate of Non-Appeal which means the mother has not contested the adoption.

The agency is still waiting the Judgment, Adoption Act and Birth Certificates. After this we make some serious headway. But things are happening. The wheels are in motion. Unlike Jerry we aren’t blowing smoke.

Since this has taken longer than anticipated we will have to update our homestudy and immigration information. Foolish us, we should have added an extra year. So we have 2 new hurdles that we can do now instead of having to wait. It is coming together.

There is still time to support the adoption financially via Razoo. I think until the end of the month. See, I underestimated that too…

Since Amie and the kids jetted off to NY before me, we’ve already had our gift opening time. I love it when a gift is a “winner” and my child’s face lights up with utter delight. It is a beautiful thing. And I have to keep that in mind when one of their faces is scrunched in a pout or whine.

There has been cleaning and sealing grout since the builder didn’t seal it. One of my knees is bruised in this act of love toward my wife. The rest will have to wait until after Christimas. I’ve even started the process of re-financing our home. Lower rate and shorter length means we’ll save $$$$ long term. But that is stress.

What we had hoped to be doing now is planning a trip to the DRC to pick up “our” 2 kids. We hope they will be joining our family. We are not sure because the judicial process is moving slower than a slug on ice (can they move on ice?).

³ He heals the brokenhearted  and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147

We did get an updated picture of them. Sorry, we’ve decided to wait until the referral is approved to put up pictures. But they look quite healthy. Micah’s hair is growing back in nicely. Her disposition seems much better- our prayers are apparently being answered. Asher just seems like a big kid, and fairly laid back. The reality may be very different. But we are quite grateful that our hopeful kids are being well cared for in the orphanage.

This is particularly in light of unfounded accusations we heard about our agency. I’m thankful we didn’t have a knee-jerk reaction. So there is a word of caution for folks surfing the net. You hear lots of things out there. Take the time to slow down and ask questions. Our agency was very willing to address all of our concerns. The allegations made them aware they needed to do a better job communicating and developing an more accurate web presence.

We have heard about problems in other countries that may not have orphanages run by the agency. We don’t know if these stories are true. But, please, ask questions about who and how your prospective child will be cared for during the wait. That wait may be longer than you expect. The pictures, over time, show us kids who are doing well, and are well-cared for. We are grateful for the orphanage workers. They can make all the difference.

Next year? We anticipate having 2 more delight-filled faces when we open gifts. We anticipate having 2 more kids wanting to know about Jesus.